Monday, January 11, 2010

Blogging Again

I started blogging about a year ago, but the interest died out slowly. It's a new year now, and I'd like to write my life down; not so much for other people to read, or to discover something about myself (I'm not trying to criticize anyone btw). It's more for a personal reason: I want to be able to look back, and see where I stood a month ago, two three, a year, etc. The last time I blogged, I met some truly incredible people, and that's something I'd like to do again.

Life has treated me pretty well these last nineteen years, and that's something I think goes unsaid for too many people. I mean, sure there were some downs, but I pulled through with the help of my friends. The most obvious one would have to be coming out; I was truly blessed with a group of friends who understood and (for lack of a better word) almost welcomed the idea of me being gay. That's not to say that it didn't come at a price: in the midst of it all, I ended up losing my best friend. To this day, I'm not sure if it was because I didn't tell him myself or simply because I was gay. At first it seems easy to blame it on his prejudice, but I think he felt betrayed by my silence. In the end, I was only trying to protect him. But what's done is done, and I can't look back now.

My family has been with me; admittedly, not through the roughest parts. But the thing about growing up Catholic is that: being gay is not an option. And for the longest time, I held to that belief as well. I must be honest and say that it almost worked. I found a very pretty lady, and for the longest time, I though I had her. But instead of taking the relationship road, she cruised over to the "You're like a brother to me" road; that was when she broke my heart. And to this day, she's my best friend, and I hope she always will be.

Its hard to find something you've already found... I mean, is there such as thing as a soulmate in this world? Do you get the a second One? That was my dilemma back in the day. And so I turned to that thing that was hiding inside of me, the thing that had been suppressed for so long. And so on November 9th, 2009, I came out to a friend. And it spread like wildfire - good wildfire, mind you. It was controlled and manipulated so that it reached certain people at proper times.

Prior to that, I had met and dated a great guy behind everyone's back. Sadly, things didn't work out between the two of us, as he was still in high school and I was a freshman in college. However, something good did come out those ashes: I accidentally outed myself to my then-roommate, now-great-friend. Granted, it was absolutely terrifying, but he accepted quite rapidly. And our relationship as roommates took a great turn to for the better; that's not to say we didn't get along before, we simply got along better. I think he secretly wants to meet every single type of person... don't ask me why. He is, after all, a very strange but amazing friend.

Life has granted another opportunity into another person's heart. For the last two months now, I've been seeing someone very special to me. It's been an official relationship since December 2nd. That's according to him... I'm clearly the "guy" in the relationship, and forgot our one-month anniversary. In earnest, that's something I'm working on. He's a really great guy, though: talented in what he does, passionate about being gay (you can tell by way he dresses), and amazing in bed. Pardon the openness; it is, after all, a mature audience that will read this anyway.

There's so many things I'd like to talk about, so many opinions to register. Not necessarily to gather a following; in fact, that would be a very undesirable outcome. I suppose they will have to be written as they come up in my life. For now, let me describe my life at this moment:

I'm sitting in my on-campus apartment. It's my first night back from winter break, and I must honestly say that I'm terrified to be back, even though I adore school. This building makes noises, you see. In any case, classes start Thursday. I'm an Aerospace and Mechanical Engineering major (totally not gay, huh?), and this is now my fourth semester of college. I'll be submerging myself into Aerodynamics, Thermodynamics, Engineering Analysis, Orbital Mechanics, and Physics. My new roommate also arrived this evening; we don't get along nearly as well as I did with my old roommate. But we respect each other and each other's space. It was good to see him, and I hope our relationships improves over this semester.

I must also report that a bit of a writer - not a good one, I must add. I'm currently working on a script of sorts. And I will periodically post posts regarding that. And with that, I sign off. I expect to make regular posts for the next few days; they will diminish in frequency as things heat up in school. But no fear: I'm here to stay. Goodnight,


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