January 2011

[Ok, here comes the past. I'll do my best not to filter too much (a lot of it irrelevant to tell you the truth). Anyway, here goes...]

[January 25, 2011]

Gus stopped by work today. I wonder if he'd read my e-mail that I sent him last night? Of if he'll even open it now that he saw me? He was here to talk to Dr. G mostly, but he did say hi to all of us... he came back a little bit later, but Dr. G was in the back office, so he sat with me. We talked about school mostly and how pharmacology school in Abq didn't work for him :/

It felt good to see him. His hair's longer and wears it across his face... cute, if you ask me. Ever since I saw his name at the orientation meeting, I keep replaying the time he gave me a hug over and over in my head. Why didn't I hug him back?  Or at least show some confirmation of affection! Perhaps this is a second change?

I suppose one can only be hopeful...

[January 31, '11]

Gus never answered my e-mail... Perhaps that ship sailed a year ago or it was never in existence; I'm thinking it's the latter. I sent Eric a message on facebook [my ex-boyfriend]; perhaps I'm getting desperate and fishing for anything I can get...

Went bowling on Sat. night with Talia and Jonathan. we had fun and talked about stuff. Nothing memorable, obviously; with T and J, it's never memorable, just crazy and fun :) I'm always afraid to talk abut my own problems with the two together... (Jon would tell Amber before the night is over!).

I'm at work, more later...

[Later]

There's a meeting today for the aero team [for a plane-building competition]. I really, really don'want to go; not even a little bit. I have a massive headache and really just want to go home...

[Looking back, I realized I had been been in a dark place, and would be for a while longer. It wasn't until I acknowledged my problems to others and asked for their input that things would get better. I will never repay my debts to Talia and my other friends, but I'll try :) ]