Wednesday, July 11, 2012
The Nightmare of a Lifetime
I had what could best be described as the most frightening dream of my life last night. As a child, I often had nightmares of monsters in the dark, but this was an entirely new beast.
In the dream, I'm sitting outside in a patio with a long table and plenty of chairs. Though it doesn't look it, I know it's my parents' backyard and my entire family is there: my parents, grandparents, my uncles and their families. Anyway, my dream starts in the middle of a conversation: something my cousin's upcoming wedding. An aunt (though my dreams seldom include faces, I know which aunt it is by her voice) asks me 'what about you, LF?'
I dart my eyes at my mother and she returns an evil expression, and mumble something about not being interested in girls... I should comment that my parents know I'm gay now but are less than thrilled at the news...
What happens next is hard to describe, since it's the emotions I felt while dreaming that scared me, not necessarily what happened. Anyway, my mother spits out 'Why can't you say it!?' I know exactly what she means: she's challenging me to come out to everyone else right there and then. She snarls again 'Say his name!'
I can only muster enough spirit to whisper it 'my boyfriend's name is D'
Suddenly, I'm inside the house, walking back out (perhaps I ran away?) but no one is there... They've all left the patio and I find myself utterly alone. Then I woke.
I have never been more conflicted in my life... While I didn't chose to have homosexual feelings, did I not ultimately chose to act upon them? But if I 'chose to be straight' it would mean a triumph for a mother and she would call out victory, I'd live defeated the rest of my life. Either way, I cannot win...
GOD, grant me wisdom...
Sunday, June 3, 2012
February 2011
[Feb. 1, 2011]
Had a well crappy day yesterday, but I've decided that it's all in the past. I've decided to just let it all go and have a good day today, which I am up to this point.
260 [beginner's matlab programming] was pointless as always. A class that early should be a little more interesting or engaging. We learned abut if-else structures, which are almost self-explanatory. Speech lab was also pointless, but less so than 260. Worked on our speeches' outlines; then, we worked on some exercise, to which I saw no goal, but who knows.
I'm at work now. I parked in a questionable space... I'm gonna go move it in a little bit hopefully and not have a repeat of yesterday - oh wait! that's in the past!)
It's shaping up to be a good night.
[Later]
I guess what I'm most scared about is my possible future; it feels to be slipping away, more and more rapidly. Career fair is tomorrow and I'm completely unprepared for it! [A three-day snow storm would cancel said career fair].
Two-and-a-half hours left of work...
P.S. Jon is gonna ask Brittany out today. I hope he succeeds.
[Feb. 7]
Gus stopped by looking for Rosemary, our other supervisor. He really didn't even say hi, it actually was kinda hurtful. But I think I will be alright.
[omitted]
Of all my years, this has been the most lonesome times. I usually start dating in November, but not this last time; and I haven't been the same since winter break. I wish I knew what to do...
Been reading 'A thousand splendid suns' by Khaled Hosseini. It's really really good, just as his 1st book, 'the kite runner.'
[2/15]
Jonathan sucks at physics apparently, btw. Daniel's sitting across from me on another table... let's just say, I'm liking the view :) [Yes, I checked out my to-be-boyfriend at work! haha]
[2/17]
Aero meeting again tonight. We're almost done designing and will hopefully move onto manufacturing soon.
[2/23]
Been having a good week so far. Stayed up 'till 3am on tuesday to finish my aero/fluids report. It came out really nice, I thought; I did have to revise it before turning it in.
[2/25]
In class at the moment; lecture hasn't started and there's a few minutes before we get started anyway. A lot of stuff has been going down that I've chosen t overlook until yesterday night.
It's no secret that I've been in the aero team for DBF. I've had a near perfect meeting attendance record; having only missed two meetings at the most. Has my leadership been sub-par? Yes. Could I have helped with w/ this problem? Perhaps. But I -have- participated in all discussions, have contributed my opinion and expertise on all matters and decisions. Have I contributed to the team? Yes. I've been an integral part of the team, much like everybody else.
And things started getting weird. It all began when the officers began discussing who was gonna go to competition [in Tucson]. I must confess that I held little interest in going to Tucson and I would gladly have given my seat to someone who deserved it more.
And then the capstone people got involved w/ the project and began to undermine all our work! I must say that i was taken aback by the sudden progress (why didn't Wes push like Brett did?)
At first, the officers though about taking capstone to Tucson. But as none of them are aiaa members and did not pay dues, that went out the door. And that was when I became interested in going.
And then, there was a meeting last Saturday from which I had to leave early. I still haven't heard the end of it... On my way out, I passed Orville, who ended up saying "No wonder Wes doesn't want to take you!"
[2/28]
It's been decided that I don't care about anything that's happening up to this point... whether or not I go on the dbf team trip is of no consequence anymore. If I go on the trip, great. If not, great. If get "picked" to go, I'll go and make sure I room w/ Jon and/or Adam, cuz [sic] I refuse to room w/ strangers.
Otherwise, it's been a good couple of days. Almost out from work at the moment. Lots of math students today.
Had a well crappy day yesterday, but I've decided that it's all in the past. I've decided to just let it all go and have a good day today, which I am up to this point.
260 [beginner's matlab programming] was pointless as always. A class that early should be a little more interesting or engaging. We learned abut if-else structures, which are almost self-explanatory. Speech lab was also pointless, but less so than 260. Worked on our speeches' outlines; then, we worked on some exercise, to which I saw no goal, but who knows.
I'm at work now. I parked in a questionable space... I'm gonna go move it in a little bit hopefully and not have a repeat of yesterday - oh wait! that's in the past!)
It's shaping up to be a good night.
[Later]
I guess what I'm most scared about is my possible future; it feels to be slipping away, more and more rapidly. Career fair is tomorrow and I'm completely unprepared for it! [A three-day snow storm would cancel said career fair].
Two-and-a-half hours left of work...
P.S. Jon is gonna ask Brittany out today. I hope he succeeds.
[Feb. 7]
Gus stopped by looking for Rosemary, our other supervisor. He really didn't even say hi, it actually was kinda hurtful. But I think I will be alright.
[omitted]
Of all my years, this has been the most lonesome times. I usually start dating in November, but not this last time; and I haven't been the same since winter break. I wish I knew what to do...
Been reading 'A thousand splendid suns' by Khaled Hosseini. It's really really good, just as his 1st book, 'the kite runner.'
[2/15]
Jonathan sucks at physics apparently, btw. Daniel's sitting across from me on another table... let's just say, I'm liking the view :) [Yes, I checked out my to-be-boyfriend at work! haha]
[2/17]
Aero meeting again tonight. We're almost done designing and will hopefully move onto manufacturing soon.
[2/23]
Been having a good week so far. Stayed up 'till 3am on tuesday to finish my aero/fluids report. It came out really nice, I thought; I did have to revise it before turning it in.
[2/25]
In class at the moment; lecture hasn't started and there's a few minutes before we get started anyway. A lot of stuff has been going down that I've chosen t overlook until yesterday night.
It's no secret that I've been in the aero team for DBF. I've had a near perfect meeting attendance record; having only missed two meetings at the most. Has my leadership been sub-par? Yes. Could I have helped with w/ this problem? Perhaps. But I -have- participated in all discussions, have contributed my opinion and expertise on all matters and decisions. Have I contributed to the team? Yes. I've been an integral part of the team, much like everybody else.
And things started getting weird. It all began when the officers began discussing who was gonna go to competition [in Tucson]. I must confess that I held little interest in going to Tucson and I would gladly have given my seat to someone who deserved it more.
And then the capstone people got involved w/ the project and began to undermine all our work! I must say that i was taken aback by the sudden progress (why didn't Wes push like Brett did?)
At first, the officers though about taking capstone to Tucson. But as none of them are aiaa members and did not pay dues, that went out the door. And that was when I became interested in going.
And then, there was a meeting last Saturday from which I had to leave early. I still haven't heard the end of it... On my way out, I passed Orville, who ended up saying "No wonder Wes doesn't want to take you!"
[2/28]
It's been decided that I don't care about anything that's happening up to this point... whether or not I go on the dbf team trip is of no consequence anymore. If I go on the trip, great. If not, great. If get "picked" to go, I'll go and make sure I room w/ Jon and/or Adam, cuz [sic] I refuse to room w/ strangers.
Otherwise, it's been a good couple of days. Almost out from work at the moment. Lots of math students today.
January 2011
[Ok, here comes the past. I'll do my best not to filter too much (a lot of it irrelevant to tell you the truth). Anyway, here goes...]
[January 25, 2011]
Gus stopped by work today. I wonder if he'd read my e-mail that I sent him last night? Of if he'll even open it now that he saw me? He was here to talk to Dr. G mostly, but he did say hi to all of us... he came back a little bit later, but Dr. G was in the back office, so he sat with me. We talked about school mostly and how pharmacology school in Abq didn't work for him :/
It felt good to see him. His hair's longer and wears it across his face... cute, if you ask me. Ever since I saw his name at the orientation meeting, I keep replaying the time he gave me a hug over and over in my head. Why didn't I hug him back? Or at least show some confirmation of affection! Perhaps this is a second change?
I suppose one can only be hopeful...
[January 31, '11]
Gus never answered my e-mail... Perhaps that ship sailed a year ago or it was never in existence; I'm thinking it's the latter. I sent Eric a message on facebook [my ex-boyfriend]; perhaps I'm getting desperate and fishing for anything I can get...
Went bowling on Sat. night with Talia and Jonathan. we had fun and talked about stuff. Nothing memorable, obviously; with T and J, it's never memorable, just crazy and fun :) I'm always afraid to talk abut my own problems with the two together... (Jon would tell Amber before the night is over!).
I'm at work, more later...
[Later]
There's a meeting today for the aero team [for a plane-building competition]. I really, really don'want to go; not even a little bit. I have a massive headache and really just want to go home...
[Looking back, I realized I had been been in a dark place, and would be for a while longer. It wasn't until I acknowledged my problems to others and asked for their input that things would get better. I will never repay my debts to Talia and my other friends, but I'll try :) ]
[January 25, 2011]
Gus stopped by work today. I wonder if he'd read my e-mail that I sent him last night? Of if he'll even open it now that he saw me? He was here to talk to Dr. G mostly, but he did say hi to all of us... he came back a little bit later, but Dr. G was in the back office, so he sat with me. We talked about school mostly and how pharmacology school in Abq didn't work for him :/
It felt good to see him. His hair's longer and wears it across his face... cute, if you ask me. Ever since I saw his name at the orientation meeting, I keep replaying the time he gave me a hug over and over in my head. Why didn't I hug him back? Or at least show some confirmation of affection! Perhaps this is a second change?
I suppose one can only be hopeful...
[January 31, '11]
Gus never answered my e-mail... Perhaps that ship sailed a year ago or it was never in existence; I'm thinking it's the latter. I sent Eric a message on facebook [my ex-boyfriend]; perhaps I'm getting desperate and fishing for anything I can get...
Went bowling on Sat. night with Talia and Jonathan. we had fun and talked about stuff. Nothing memorable, obviously; with T and J, it's never memorable, just crazy and fun :) I'm always afraid to talk abut my own problems with the two together... (Jon would tell Amber before the night is over!).
I'm at work, more later...
[Later]
There's a meeting today for the aero team [for a plane-building competition]. I really, really don'want to go; not even a little bit. I have a massive headache and really just want to go home...
[Looking back, I realized I had been been in a dark place, and would be for a while longer. It wasn't until I acknowledged my problems to others and asked for their input that things would get better. I will never repay my debts to Talia and my other friends, but I'll try :) ]
Back from Slumber
I figured this blog would still be up... boy have some things changed and others remained perfectly the same. In the next month, perhaps I will archive my written journal (which I've kept for close to two years now) up here. My boyfriend (see! Things have changed!) is away with his family for June, so I'll have some alone time that I can use to look at the past... see where I'm headed. Until then...
Thursday, July 29, 2010
The End is Upon Us
...of summer vacation, anyway lol. Only one more week of work (and the Monday after that)... I can honestly say I've enjoyed working this summer as a tutor. It's definitely become part of who I am as a person, and I'd like to think it's made me a better individual. :)
The boss and I had some bonding time one evening as I was closing; we talked about what the Center has become over the years she's worked there. It was a cool boss/employee moment, I must say; I feel like she's seen how hard I work and has come to appreciate me on a higher level than the other tutors (especially in contrast to Karla and Jacob's unreliability lol).
It's been a good week at home, as well. Brian and I have been making better and better food each day; and I've definitely become more creative in the kitchen. Cleaning is still a bother, but oh well lol. In any case, I'm going back home tomorrow, which will be nice. Talia and I have scheduled bowling on Saturday; and I keep trying to invite Amber to the movies tomorrow, but she's not answering my texts, so to heck with her! I'll ask T if she wants to go instead. Jonathan's been rather distant lately, I can invite him too, I guess.
No other news really. No drama, thankfully;
Louie
The boss and I had some bonding time one evening as I was closing; we talked about what the Center has become over the years she's worked there. It was a cool boss/employee moment, I must say; I feel like she's seen how hard I work and has come to appreciate me on a higher level than the other tutors (especially in contrast to Karla and Jacob's unreliability lol).
It's been a good week at home, as well. Brian and I have been making better and better food each day; and I've definitely become more creative in the kitchen. Cleaning is still a bother, but oh well lol. In any case, I'm going back home tomorrow, which will be nice. Talia and I have scheduled bowling on Saturday; and I keep trying to invite Amber to the movies tomorrow, but she's not answering my texts, so to heck with her! I'll ask T if she wants to go instead. Jonathan's been rather distant lately, I can invite him too, I guess.
No other news really. No drama, thankfully;
Louie
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Skippable Months
I've decided that life needs to skip the month of August so that I can have KH: Birth by Sleep on Sept. 7th, then we can jump all the way to my birthday and then to November, so that Harry Potter 7 can come out in theaters. And then, why not skip to Christmas? Ha! if only!
Was alone at work yesterday; had about fifteen students in the span of four hours, so it was definitely within my capabilities. :) Karla is no longer working with us, she's on vacation after Dr. G suggested she take the rest of hte summer off lol. Jacob was at a funeral, which made me a little sad for it; it was for one of my friends... I which I knew what to say to things like that... but he seemed well enough on Thursday.
Brian and I ordered pizza yesterday, and I had a monter-size 64oz. thing of Dr. Pepper. COULD NOT sleep to save my life, stayed up 'till 3 and I woke up at 7, still wired. I'll probably crash around midday to take a nap. He downloaded this old game, which I'd honestly hadn't heard of before, but still pretended to amuse him; we played till the better part of the night. Star Wars: Battle Grounds, I believe.
Called mum yesterday as well. She's happy and also has her teaching job lined up, I'm so excited for her! I'll keep her in my prayers.
For now,
Louie
Was alone at work yesterday; had about fifteen students in the span of four hours, so it was definitely within my capabilities. :) Karla is no longer working with us, she's on vacation after Dr. G suggested she take the rest of hte summer off lol. Jacob was at a funeral, which made me a little sad for it; it was for one of my friends... I which I knew what to say to things like that... but he seemed well enough on Thursday.
Brian and I ordered pizza yesterday, and I had a monter-size 64oz. thing of Dr. Pepper. COULD NOT sleep to save my life, stayed up 'till 3 and I woke up at 7, still wired. I'll probably crash around midday to take a nap. He downloaded this old game, which I'd honestly hadn't heard of before, but still pretended to amuse him; we played till the better part of the night. Star Wars: Battle Grounds, I believe.
Called mum yesterday as well. She's happy and also has her teaching job lined up, I'm so excited for her! I'll keep her in my prayers.
For now,
Louie
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Good Night
Had a good night yesterday; Brian came home finally lol. We went swimming 'cause it got ridiculously hot during the day. Allison came over later when she got out of work and I made chocolate pancakes and quesadillas for everyone :) I love to cook and make stuff. He left WTO her again lol. (they better be having earth shattering sex, 'cause I'm getting seriously lonely lol. They hinted at getting married as they were leaving, and they probaly should (they've only been dating 7 years now lol.
It was a good day at work too, for the most part anyway. I had an altercation with one of the tutors, but I'm past it, and i reall don't wanna get into it here.
I'm actually blogging from my iPod at work :) it hoes rwLly well and smoothly, which I like. It's probably 'cause it feels like a phone, and i have speedy fingers ;)
Well, I should be working, so I'll post at home later today.
Louie
It was a good day at work too, for the most part anyway. I had an altercation with one of the tutors, but I'm past it, and i reall don't wanna get into it here.
I'm actually blogging from my iPod at work :) it hoes rwLly well and smoothly, which I like. It's probably 'cause it feels like a phone, and i have speedy fingers ;)
Well, I should be working, so I'll post at home later today.
Louie
Monday, July 19, 2010
A Stressful Day
It was a rather hectic morning today. Karla decided to call in (sick, I assume; I really didn't care to ask) and Jacob's car wasn't running, so I was the only math tutor yet again for an entire four hours. To top it all, I had an entire classroom of confused students fretting over their looming mid-term exam. I kept doing the same problems over and over again in random order. If it had been a smaller group, say 7 or 8, I would have grouped them at the whiteboard, but I had at least 20 students in there! Utterly mind blowing!
By the end of it, I don't know how many times I heard, "gosh, you're good at this you know?" Well, of course I'm good at it, it's my flippin' job. I honestly think people overestimate my patience sometimes. It's just, I hate when people think I'm good at something, because the next line is always, "Gosh, I'm no good at this, I'm no good at anything." And frankly, I don't want people's burdens on my shoulders, specially when they're at least two or three times my age. I hate it when people put themselves down in front of people they don't know. I mean, I know that I've had my own downs, but I always turn to my friends or people that I know. I don't go around telling the world about my insecurities... but maybe that's just me.
And then Karla has the audacity to say, "I was only feeling a little sick, you could have called me and said you need me." What a bitch! I didn't say anything, but I well wanted to say "Well, you know what: I felt a little sick this morning too (my throat is still a bit itchy actually), but I took some aspirin and came to work, on-time." In the end, it really doesn't matter, but I really want her fired...
In other news, Brian still isn't home. I know he's with his girlfriend and all, but I'm lonely too you know? I don't take well to being alone, I feel drained and there's a certain silence in my head that can't be filled with music or tv. But who knows, maybe he'll come home tonight around 10? or bedtime. It's only 8:40 as I type this, so it's all up in the air really.
Speaking of things in the air: airplanes. Elsie invited me to Chicago for my spring break; she said that if I loved St. Louis (which I totally did) then I definitely needed to visit Chicago. She probably knows the entire history of it by now lol. I can't wait :) Specially after our failed attempt for a spring break trip with my friends; everyone backed out in the end...
Alright, that's enough of sad news. It's time for some Rookie Blue (new series on ABC, check it out) to rest my fingers. And then gonna work on NB; then I'll hit the shower, 'cause I feel icky in my skin, and then 6 solid hours of beauty sleep. :)
For now,
Happy blogging,
Louie
By the end of it, I don't know how many times I heard, "gosh, you're good at this you know?" Well, of course I'm good at it, it's my flippin' job. I honestly think people overestimate my patience sometimes. It's just, I hate when people think I'm good at something, because the next line is always, "Gosh, I'm no good at this, I'm no good at anything." And frankly, I don't want people's burdens on my shoulders, specially when they're at least two or three times my age. I hate it when people put themselves down in front of people they don't know. I mean, I know that I've had my own downs, but I always turn to my friends or people that I know. I don't go around telling the world about my insecurities... but maybe that's just me.
And then Karla has the audacity to say, "I was only feeling a little sick, you could have called me and said you need me." What a bitch! I didn't say anything, but I well wanted to say "Well, you know what: I felt a little sick this morning too (my throat is still a bit itchy actually), but I took some aspirin and came to work, on-time." In the end, it really doesn't matter, but I really want her fired...
In other news, Brian still isn't home. I know he's with his girlfriend and all, but I'm lonely too you know? I don't take well to being alone, I feel drained and there's a certain silence in my head that can't be filled with music or tv. But who knows, maybe he'll come home tonight around 10? or bedtime. It's only 8:40 as I type this, so it's all up in the air really.
Speaking of things in the air: airplanes. Elsie invited me to Chicago for my spring break; she said that if I loved St. Louis (which I totally did) then I definitely needed to visit Chicago. She probably knows the entire history of it by now lol. I can't wait :) Specially after our failed attempt for a spring break trip with my friends; everyone backed out in the end...
Alright, that's enough of sad news. It's time for some Rookie Blue (new series on ABC, check it out) to rest my fingers. And then gonna work on NB; then I'll hit the shower, 'cause I feel icky in my skin, and then 6 solid hours of beauty sleep. :)
For now,
Happy blogging,
Louie
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Chicago
I had an overall good weekend; played pool with Talia at the bowling alley. The guy at the desk knows us by now and he had the balls ready for us to take lol. He's cute :) Anyway, I kept up pretty well this time around and I had an overall lead until I sunk in the 8-ball in the wrong pocket the last two games. I lost 6-5. :( but oh well.
We made plans to hang out yesterday, but her deranged father took the family to Ruidoso, up state, randomly for the day (he does that sometimes). So: nothing yesterday, expect for the fact that I bought LEGO Harry Potter, which was wicked fun. Lil' brother and I have gotten and beaten every single LEGO game to date. :)
Today, Elsie, my cousin who now lives in Chicago, came into town to visit. We all had a good time, and then I made the drive back here to my place. Brian's still at Allison's, 'cause she couldn't catch a plane back from wherever she went. So I yet again find myself alone, which is nice, 'cause it's probably the first time I can hear myself think.
Should be a good day at work tomorrow, I hope.
Signing off,
Louie
We made plans to hang out yesterday, but her deranged father took the family to Ruidoso, up state, randomly for the day (he does that sometimes). So: nothing yesterday, expect for the fact that I bought LEGO Harry Potter, which was wicked fun. Lil' brother and I have gotten and beaten every single LEGO game to date. :)
Today, Elsie, my cousin who now lives in Chicago, came into town to visit. We all had a good time, and then I made the drive back here to my place. Brian's still at Allison's, 'cause she couldn't catch a plane back from wherever she went. So I yet again find myself alone, which is nice, 'cause it's probably the first time I can hear myself think.
Should be a good day at work tomorrow, I hope.
Signing off,
Louie
Thursday, July 15, 2010
The answer lies in...
My creative-ness was on fire today. Got a boat-load of re-writting done today. I also got some editing done at work, when we weren't busy and during my lunch break. I added this really cool scene towards the beginnings; to be honest, I'm still not sure what is really going on or who the characters are (they're wearing cloaks), but I'm sure I'll reveal that to myself this weekend? haha, it's kinda funny how the mind works sometimes.
Work was rather fun today, I must say. Kept pretty busy for the most part; our more annoying students didn't show up today, so I super glad about that. Boss-lady was interviewing this new writing tutor in the afternoon, but he'll be working at another campus (I was like, rats!).
I didn't actually say "rats."
In any case, I find myself alone tonight. Brian's spending the night at Allison's place 'cause she needs him to drive her to the airport early (really really early) tomorrow morning. It's kinda nice, 'cause I can blog without having to click away really fast when he walks around lol.
I broke a personal rule of mine and went on YouTube today to look up cutscene of the upcoming Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep... normally, I don't like knowing anything about a game before I buy it (other than what it's about) and I saw a good amount of spoilers... still gonna buy and now I'm super stoked for it!! Ah!
I'm going back home to my parents for the weekend, but I'll still make a post before I leave and then again on Sunday night when I get back.
For now,
Goodnight,
Louie
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
First Post in a Long Time
Haven't posted in a long, long time. I must honestly say that I don't exactly miss posting on blogger? Tonight is different somehow... still not sure how, really.
"Half of my Heart" by John Mayer is playing on my iPod at the moment; perhaps it's put me in a moody-mood :) A lot has happened in the last few months, and i hope to cover all the major events today, just to get it all off my head.
Obviously, school is over. I got all A's again and made the Dean's List. Mom was ecstatic; this makes 4 Lists in a row! To be fair though, school comes rather easily to me. I've continued working at the tutoring center this summer, and have actually started renting an apartment in LC with my freshman-year-roommate, Brian. It's been rather fun so far; paying rent is definitely painful, in all sense of the word. But hey! it beats living at home all the time? My family's all come and seen in; mom liked it (she was the really the only one's opinion I really cared about).
Brian's mom and brother, Steven, came into town a couple of weeks ago. Their main purpose was to come to Steven's orientation; he's going to College with us! Yay! They also took the chance to stay a few nights and admire our new apartment. Brian's mom went to nmsu as well; she must have appreciated all the changes the town and univ. have undergone. It should be noted that I found Steven to be remarkably handsome. (That's all I can say for now, lol).
Work's been rather interesting. The two Summer Sessions last 5 weeks each; we're in the 2nd week of the 2nd session now. Very 1st week was a total pain; absolutely no students! Ugh! But it slowly picked up; the climatic 5th week - packed! It was kinda nice. 2nd session is shaping up to be a replica of the 1st.
Jacob is the other guy math tutor. I used to like him when he was cute and shy back in Spring, but now he's a little comfortable with the place and the other tutors... now he just cute lol. He tells funny stories of his hometown, some little no-man's-land in the middle of the state, I think.
I took a particular interest on one of my Calculus students, which is regrettably against the rules. I could have sworn he was gay (I think people are pretty good at recognizing their own kind?), but perhaps the feeling wasn't mutual. I tried not to advance too much, lest I get in trouble; so on the last day, I suggested that they all come back and tell me how they did in the class. I was going to take the opportunity to ask him out (seeing as he would no longer be our student), but that hasn't happened. In any case, no hard feelings. :)
Let's see: what else?
Oh! I had made excellent progress on my story: New Beginnings... Unfortunately, I lost the USB that had the files. Fortunately, I had a back-up that went back two months :( Needless to say, I was distraught. I've been putting it off until now. In fact, today, I downloaded all the files back to my computer and have begun proofreading again. Surely, it will take months to go back to where I once was, but I'm sure I'll get there. I've decided that I want my story to be a movie script, and I've also begun formatting thusly.
I believe that to be all for now. I should hopefully be back here tomorrow. :)
For now,
Truly yours,
Louie
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Some Catching Up
Been a while since I wrote. Had a test in Analysis; half the class, including myself, finished within half-an-hr. It was a really easy test, so I expect a high A. The Olympics are over, of course. Had a good time watching those; good times, good times. J. R. Celski is a good looking skater, I might add. Ha ha!
The usual drama is still going on. I'm trying to let it run its course without getting too affected. Don't wanna write anything down; I might be able to actually forget all this eventually. Ha, ha!
Watched LOST today. Enough said: I love that show. Afterward, I watched this new show called Parenthood on NBC. Good show, as well. The son is a cute actor.
Let's see, I think that's all there is to say. Goodnight,
~Louie
The usual drama is still going on. I'm trying to let it run its course without getting too affected. Don't wanna write anything down; I might be able to actually forget all this eventually. Ha, ha!
Watched LOST today. Enough said: I love that show. Afterward, I watched this new show called Parenthood on NBC. Good show, as well. The son is a cute actor.
Let's see, I think that's all there is to say. Goodnight,
~Louie
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
The First Letter in the Alphabet
I got two A's in my exams that have been graded. Although, these proved hard to get as I slightly relied on the curve to get them. This only means that I have to work harder on these two subjects.
Quiz in Aero was a joke; should do fine in that one. Worst case, I got 12/13 right. And my Orbital test today was long but do-able. I expect a good grade there as well. Last first-round exam is coming in a week in Analysis... this is the one I'm not concerned about. Nothing a good study can't fix though. Should be alright.
Had an interesting day otherwise. Don't wanna put anything down lest things change. Only time will tell the turn of events in my life...
~Louie
Quiz in Aero was a joke; should do fine in that one. Worst case, I got 12/13 right. And my Orbital test today was long but do-able. I expect a good grade there as well. Last first-round exam is coming in a week in Analysis... this is the one I'm not concerned about. Nothing a good study can't fix though. Should be alright.
Had an interesting day otherwise. Don't wanna put anything down lest things change. Only time will tell the turn of events in my life...
~Louie
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Every Sunday
Every Sunday, the same thought comes across my mind: am I a gay Catholic or a Catholic gay guy? Which comes first? Perhaps I haven't come to terms with my two worlds, my two faces...
Aerodynamics quiz in the morning. Orbital test on Tuesday. Should be an interesting week for sure.
~Louie
Aerodynamics quiz in the morning. Orbital test on Tuesday. Should be an interesting week for sure.
~Louie
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
First Mid-Term Season
Had a midterm in Thermo on Friday and another in Physics today. I felt great on the Thermo, surprisingly. But this Physics test was very strange; it was one of those way-too-easy tests that you second guess yourself on... but overall, I should at least get a high B. I have a third midterm in Aero next Monday, and a fourth in Analysis coming up shortly. My test in Orbital should be soon too, assuming we have two midterms scheduled.
Been having a good couple days. I've tried to write as much as possible; I'm almost with the main plot and dialogue of my story. It's been a long road, and I'm excited to start working on the details. There isn't enough time to describe this story right now, but maybe I'll post something soon.
Been watching the Olympics, of course. Can't get enough of short track speed skating. Between Apollo and this new kid, J.R. Celski... oh my! Lol. Figure skating is my other favorite. Not really into any of the other sports, except for snowboarding and skiing.
Rest of the week should go without a hitch.
~Louie
Been having a good couple days. I've tried to write as much as possible; I'm almost with the main plot and dialogue of my story. It's been a long road, and I'm excited to start working on the details. There isn't enough time to describe this story right now, but maybe I'll post something soon.
Been watching the Olympics, of course. Can't get enough of short track speed skating. Between Apollo and this new kid, J.R. Celski... oh my! Lol. Figure skating is my other favorite. Not really into any of the other sports, except for snowboarding and skiing.
Rest of the week should go without a hitch.
~Louie
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
These Last Few Days
... have been alright. Nothing earth-shattering to report, of course. Work-loads have exponentially increased over time, and free-time at work has virtually disappeared, but I knew that would happen eventually. In any case, I've been holding up alright.
Got a new bowling ball (and a second one is soon to come) last week; worked perfectly for my type of throw, which was great. I should go bowling tomorrow night, hopefully.
Goodnight,
~Louie
Got a new bowling ball (and a second one is soon to come) last week; worked perfectly for my type of throw, which was great. I should go bowling tomorrow night, hopefully.
Goodnight,
~Louie
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Strange Day
Just got back from Sunday Mass; I love going to church here, it's so much better than back home. Father Mike has a certain serenity and calmness about him that appeals greatly to the younger generation and even to those a little older than us college kids.
Had a very strange day today; woke up late, for starters, which really wasn't a major problem. I know I was hungry enough to eat a million cows, but I'm not sure if I actually had any breakfast. I went to Walmart for some groceries that I've been meaning to get; and of course, I forgot the same thing I've been forgetting all week long: sheet suspenders! I guess I'll have to go again tomorrow or something.
Nothing else to report. Homework tonight. :/
~Louie
Had a very strange day today; woke up late, for starters, which really wasn't a major problem. I know I was hungry enough to eat a million cows, but I'm not sure if I actually had any breakfast. I went to Walmart for some groceries that I've been meaning to get; and of course, I forgot the same thing I've been forgetting all week long: sheet suspenders! I guess I'll have to go again tomorrow or something.
Nothing else to report. Homework tonight. :/
~Louie
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sleepy Thursday
Had trouble staying up throughout my classes today. I woke up earlier than I should have without realizing it, so I forced myself to get up without needing to. It wasn't that big of a deal, in any case.
Got all my homework done for tomorrow at work; there were hardly any students when I went to work today, which was nice, but I'm starting to get worried I won't be needed any more. (This is not likely to happen; I'm a great tutor).
Going to Jon's again tonight. Amber's class was canceled tomorrow, so she decided to go back home early (it seems like she's acting on whims more often than before). Jon and I are likely to work on some homework (not exactly, ha!) and then play some Halo 3!
That will do for today. Goodnight,
~Louie
Got all my homework done for tomorrow at work; there were hardly any students when I went to work today, which was nice, but I'm starting to get worried I won't be needed any more. (This is not likely to happen; I'm a great tutor).
Going to Jon's again tonight. Amber's class was canceled tomorrow, so she decided to go back home early (it seems like she's acting on whims more often than before). Jon and I are likely to work on some homework (not exactly, ha!) and then play some Halo 3!
That will do for today. Goodnight,
~Louie
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Week 4
Been a while since I've posted; surprisingly, there's very little to say at this point. On one hand, my boyfriend and I broke up last Tuesday. It was a tough decision, but it had to be done. All I'll say I say is that I should have let him down a little easier and given a little more thought into the situation. Nonetheless, this breakup was not solely my fault, but I'm not the type to blame others, so I'll leave it at that.
School's been going without a hitch. Mon., Wed. and Fridays I have Thermodynamics with Dr. P and Aerodynamics with Dr. Sh. They look rather promising and are definitely going to occupy the bulk of my attention, though not necessarily of my homework time (that may or may not make sense later). Dr. P is somewhat of a jerk and thinks he's better than the rest of the world, however; that's something I'll have to learn to tolerate. Dr. Sh is typically spoken of badly, but I like the guy. He has a small sense of humor, but that's enough for an Engineering professor. Today, we we were talking about absolute pressure and someone asked a question related to that and he answered, "Absolutely!" Ha, ha! (This may not seem funny in a few days).
Tuesdays and Thursdays I have Physics, Engineering Analysis, and Orbital Mechanics. Now, these classes seem easy but are taking most of my time when it comes to homework. Physics is a push-over and Dr. H is somewhat awkward at times. Homework's online and that's never a good thing. Engr Analysis is with Dr. Sev; he's my favorite so far. He's down to Earth, has a great accent (Russian, but not too pronounced), and is rather handsome. Anyway, he assigns boat-loads of homework and it's taking me at least three hours per assignment, which is long for me. And Orbital Mech with Dr. B is gonna be hard. I'm having trouble following him because he lecture at a million words per second and it's a tough subject. But the homework has helped, even if's taking another three hours per assignment.
Work has been fantastic. My schedule is not as fantastic as the work itself, but it was the only way to get 20 hrs a week. I work as a tutor at our community college. We haven't been having too many students, which leaves lots of room to do my own homework, ha! For the record, two of the tutors are hot! Gus is amazingly cute in his skater-ish-wanna-be sort of way; and Jacob is just good looking and super smart, which is a turn-on. That's all I'll say on that matter for now.
Went to a meeting today for Habit for Humanity, which Brian hosted. He looked all professional, hosting a meeting. Ha ha! Anyway, Amber was going to go with me, but she had class around the same time (evening classes have got to suck). We met back up afterward and went to the gym (Amber, Jon and I) for the first time in ages; God, I missed the gym. Went to their place after taking a quick shower; just back actually (and finished this post).
This guy, Tim, was texting me while I was at Jon and Amber's place. I used to like Tim, but after I found out that he's actually a lot older than he looks, I've sort of backed of. Anyway, I'm pretty sure he's straight anyway. But he sent me a random and purposeless text and he had a short conversation, which I think ended because I scared him off or something (I sound a little too gay in text messages some times... oh well).
That's about all I have to say really. This weekend should be fun; if everything happens like planned, I'll write about it afterward. With that, goodnight.
~Louie
School's been going without a hitch. Mon., Wed. and Fridays I have Thermodynamics with Dr. P and Aerodynamics with Dr. Sh. They look rather promising and are definitely going to occupy the bulk of my attention, though not necessarily of my homework time (that may or may not make sense later). Dr. P is somewhat of a jerk and thinks he's better than the rest of the world, however; that's something I'll have to learn to tolerate. Dr. Sh is typically spoken of badly, but I like the guy. He has a small sense of humor, but that's enough for an Engineering professor. Today, we we were talking about absolute pressure and someone asked a question related to that and he answered, "Absolutely!" Ha, ha! (This may not seem funny in a few days).
Tuesdays and Thursdays I have Physics, Engineering Analysis, and Orbital Mechanics. Now, these classes seem easy but are taking most of my time when it comes to homework. Physics is a push-over and Dr. H is somewhat awkward at times. Homework's online and that's never a good thing. Engr Analysis is with Dr. Sev; he's my favorite so far. He's down to Earth, has a great accent (Russian, but not too pronounced), and is rather handsome. Anyway, he assigns boat-loads of homework and it's taking me at least three hours per assignment, which is long for me. And Orbital Mech with Dr. B is gonna be hard. I'm having trouble following him because he lecture at a million words per second and it's a tough subject. But the homework has helped, even if's taking another three hours per assignment.
Work has been fantastic. My schedule is not as fantastic as the work itself, but it was the only way to get 20 hrs a week. I work as a tutor at our community college. We haven't been having too many students, which leaves lots of room to do my own homework, ha! For the record, two of the tutors are hot! Gus is amazingly cute in his skater-ish-wanna-be sort of way; and Jacob is just good looking and super smart, which is a turn-on. That's all I'll say on that matter for now.
Went to a meeting today for Habit for Humanity, which Brian hosted. He looked all professional, hosting a meeting. Ha ha! Anyway, Amber was going to go with me, but she had class around the same time (evening classes have got to suck). We met back up afterward and went to the gym (Amber, Jon and I) for the first time in ages; God, I missed the gym. Went to their place after taking a quick shower; just back actually (and finished this post).
This guy, Tim, was texting me while I was at Jon and Amber's place. I used to like Tim, but after I found out that he's actually a lot older than he looks, I've sort of backed of. Anyway, I'm pretty sure he's straight anyway. But he sent me a random and purposeless text and he had a short conversation, which I think ended because I scared him off or something (I sound a little too gay in text messages some times... oh well).
That's about all I have to say really. This weekend should be fun; if everything happens like planned, I'll write about it afterward. With that, goodnight.
~Louie
Friday, January 15, 2010
Back to School
School's been going great so far. Been in school for two days, and we already have a three-day weekend! I suppose they do that for the kids that live in the dorm and apartments; just in case you forgot something back home, even though we had a little over a month to pack it all up. But don't get me wrong, I don't mind this at all :)
Been hanging out with Jon a lot these last two days. Jon's an old friend from high school, but we've never really been this close. I suppose it's because he's finally moving here to our college town. He's moved in with my best friend, Amber, who I'm pissed off at the moment. Yes, yes I am. We planned a ski trip a while back and had most of the details ironed out. In the meantime, she's been going up to the ski resort and dating this instructor guy who somehow knows her family (her family knows a lot of people, believe me). Anyway, she decided to ditch us for this guy and she attempted to dress it up... It's hard to explain, and I'm not necessarily angry anymore, so why bother? In any case, this will all blow over and we'll all be friends again.
Brian and Allison (Brian was my roommate last semester) wanted to host a game-night this weekend, and I haven't received word from them, so I'm starting to wonder what's going to happen. Jon and I already made plans to watch the Colts game tomorrow (Jon's an insane Colts fan!). I myself prefer college sports over pro (go Oklahoma SOONERS!). This will be fun, I know it. I know so because there will be booze, and Jon and I are hilarious when we're drunk. :)
Eric, my boyfriend, is coming over tonight. I discovered how to set up my TV tuner on my laptop using Windows Media Center today, and "The Lake House" is airing later tonight. Sandra Bullock stars in that movie of course, and Eric is a huge fan of hers; needless to say, we'll only be watching the first half of the movie before... well, you know ;)
He surprised me yesterday, actually (while we're on subject). I made dinner for us last night, and we attempted to watch a DVD. My laptop failed at reading the disk, so we watched a movie on my hard-drive: "Crash" (again, with Sandra Bullock; boy, I was lucky). Anyway, we were making out on my bed, and I was under the impression that we would not be doing anything special (special meaning sexual, in this case) because it was a school night, etc. So, when he starts taking clothes off, I'm thinking "Well, we gotta sleep naked anyway, right?" Anyway, one thing leads to another and suddenly I find myself asking, "You sure you want me to go in there?" He says yes, and we have amazing sex for the first time! And that's great, 'cause oral was getting old (and he's not that good at it anyway). And when I say, "My turn!" he tells me he's not a top. And I'm thinking, "Oh, Hell no!" To be perfectly honest, I consider myself to the top in the relationship; however, I still wanted a piece of the action!
He's coming over in less than an hour. With this new piece of information, I will be a little more outgoing with my bottom-boy; seeing as how he has more needs than me, I will be more than happy to indulge them... I probably won't be posting about my sex life; the only reason this story is here is more to share my disappointment at his lack of top-skills than to display my personal life.
In any case, this will be a good weekend. And I plan to enjoy it as much as possible. I have a few homework assignments that need to be done before Tuesday; those will likely be taken care of Sunday or Monday. That said, goodnight.
~Louie
Been hanging out with Jon a lot these last two days. Jon's an old friend from high school, but we've never really been this close. I suppose it's because he's finally moving here to our college town. He's moved in with my best friend, Amber, who I'm pissed off at the moment. Yes, yes I am. We planned a ski trip a while back and had most of the details ironed out. In the meantime, she's been going up to the ski resort and dating this instructor guy who somehow knows her family (her family knows a lot of people, believe me). Anyway, she decided to ditch us for this guy and she attempted to dress it up... It's hard to explain, and I'm not necessarily angry anymore, so why bother? In any case, this will all blow over and we'll all be friends again.
Brian and Allison (Brian was my roommate last semester) wanted to host a game-night this weekend, and I haven't received word from them, so I'm starting to wonder what's going to happen. Jon and I already made plans to watch the Colts game tomorrow (Jon's an insane Colts fan!). I myself prefer college sports over pro (go Oklahoma SOONERS!). This will be fun, I know it. I know so because there will be booze, and Jon and I are hilarious when we're drunk. :)
Eric, my boyfriend, is coming over tonight. I discovered how to set up my TV tuner on my laptop using Windows Media Center today, and "The Lake House" is airing later tonight. Sandra Bullock stars in that movie of course, and Eric is a huge fan of hers; needless to say, we'll only be watching the first half of the movie before... well, you know ;)
He surprised me yesterday, actually (while we're on subject). I made dinner for us last night, and we attempted to watch a DVD. My laptop failed at reading the disk, so we watched a movie on my hard-drive: "Crash" (again, with Sandra Bullock; boy, I was lucky). Anyway, we were making out on my bed, and I was under the impression that we would not be doing anything special (special meaning sexual, in this case) because it was a school night, etc. So, when he starts taking clothes off, I'm thinking "Well, we gotta sleep naked anyway, right?" Anyway, one thing leads to another and suddenly I find myself asking, "You sure you want me to go in there?" He says yes, and we have amazing sex for the first time! And that's great, 'cause oral was getting old (and he's not that good at it anyway). And when I say, "My turn!" he tells me he's not a top. And I'm thinking, "Oh, Hell no!" To be perfectly honest, I consider myself to the top in the relationship; however, I still wanted a piece of the action!
He's coming over in less than an hour. With this new piece of information, I will be a little more outgoing with my bottom-boy; seeing as how he has more needs than me, I will be more than happy to indulge them... I probably won't be posting about my sex life; the only reason this story is here is more to share my disappointment at his lack of top-skills than to display my personal life.
In any case, this will be a good weekend. And I plan to enjoy it as much as possible. I have a few homework assignments that need to be done before Tuesday; those will likely be taken care of Sunday or Monday. That said, goodnight.
~Louie
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